Kira in action!

We spent a good chunk of time this afternoon soaking in some sun before the weather turns cold again. I was watching the kids running and playing when I suddenly realized, "Wait a minute! Kira is climbing up the slide! And sliding down! On her bottom!"

She loves to slide, but has always needed a little help with the ladder and has always slid down on her belly. And there she was, acting like she's been doing it this way forever. She would slide right down and land with a thud on her butt. I wanted to catch it on video.

So, I started filming and then she landed on her feet!! For the very first time!! I think we were both surprised and I love, love, love the look of surprise and pride on her little face.

Jackson said, "Mom! We should have a celebration, tonight! To celebrate Kira being such a big girl!" Most definitely.

see here's the thing

Mothering itself is a hard gig. (and Fathering, too, I assume - but I can only speak from my perspective.) You're constantly faced with "am I doing the right thing?" And the guilt, oy the guilt.

I've said before that mothering a child with Down syndrome is Mothering to the 21st degree. And it really is.

Is-my-child-hitting-milestones becomes Is-my-child-hitting-milestones-with-5-different-people-keeping-track.

And while you hope that all of those professionals have your child's best interests at heart (and we've been lucky in that respect, I think) the reality is that this is their job. And some days they don't want to be there. And some days they are thinking about their own kids. And some days your child is the hour they are just trying to get through.

And I'm having a hard time with turning my girl over. I'm sad. With Jackson, Derek and I just decided for a variety of reasons that we wouldn't do a traditional preschool. With Kira, it's this BIG DECISION that comes with more testing, and more paperwork, and new people observing and commenting and grading.

So, I worry about Jackson's future. But with Kira it feels that all of these decisions when she's just an almost three year old little girl will have such huge import on her future.

And who the hell decided that I was qualified for all of this? I know that with our kids we should presume competence, but I'm having a hard time believing in my own competence.

I'm sure that I'll look back at this post next year and realize that I was worried for nothing. I'm having a hard time right now, though.

Cherish

Lisa really has me thinking, as she usually does. She writes about an incident she and her kids observed while out shopping. Here's my takeaway:

Because the bottom line is: no matter what kind of stress or rotten deal we're dealt as a parent, it's our job - our sacred responsibility - to do our best to ensure the happiness and emotional well-being of our kids. One day, when they are adults, it will be up to them to make their own happiness, but right now, when they are mere children, it's all on our shoulders - as it should be.
...

So instead of expending a lot of energy judging that woman, in the end it's made me feel a little more motivated to behave better as a parent myself. The question that needs to be addressed every day is: "Am I building them up, or tearing them down?"

Lisa gave me a much needed reminder. I need to cherish these babies of mine - mindfully, purposefully, deliberately.