Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The bubble

I don't know if I'll ever write down Kira's birth story. That was a tough 24 hours. I don't like to think about it, although I often do. Her birthday is always bittersweet for me. It gets easier every year, thankfully.

What I do want to write down is a remembrance of the 4 days after her birth. Kira was jaundiced and had a tough time keeping her temperature up at first. She had to stay in the hospital for those first few days. We were lucky that, at the time, my mom worked at the hospital. We were able to use a hospital room all day with Kira and it was such a gift.

My mom would get to the hospital really early to hold Kira. She would call me and say, "This girl is hungry! Are you on your way?" I'd be in the car, or in the parking lot, or running into the hospital. Kira and I would struggle through nursing for a bit, then I'd pump to get like an ounce or two of milk for a bottle feeding.

Derek and Jackson would arrive shortly thereafter and Mom would head home for some rest. We'd spend the day holding Kira under the light, trying to breastfeed, pumping, and seeing friends and family who would come to see Kira, entertain Jackson, and feed us.

Jackson would fall asleep for a nap on the hospital bed at some point. We'd all stay until late, then head home for the night. We'd do the whole thing again the next day.

I am so thankful for that time. It was like we were all safely tucked inside a bubble, figuring out who our little family was now. It gave me time to get used to the new reality. It gave me time to realize that, more than anything, I just wanted to take my baby girl home. I didn't care about Down syndrome. I just wanted her to be healthy and home.

The nurses at the hospital were so awesome. They took such good care of us. I never thanked them properly, and I feel bad about that.

I don't think my Mom knows how much those days meant to me, either. That little bubble of time was a precious gift. Mom, it's the best present you've ever given me. Thank you.


  1. Loved reading this. So many emotions. Tears, but mostly gratitude and remembering the bubble my mom created for me during that time period for my family.

  2. Oh, Wendy. Something especially about that pic of you on the floor with the pump has me crying. Wish I could timetravel and hug us both and tell us how it would be.


  3. Oh Wendy, teary over here too. Such wonderful photos. Those first few days: They were just so, so hard. These photos you have are beautiful, and isn't it wonderful that you can look at them now, knowing all that you do? I hope that makes it a little easier.
    I still have hospital photos that I can't look at without crying. I'm not sad anymore, I'm more sad that it all had to be so hard and awful in the beginning, that the birth couldn't have been the celebration it should have been.
    I want in on the time machine too.

  4. Wendy's mom here, tearfully writing a reply.
    Parents want to protect their children from sadness. Sometimes we can't. Sometimes we can only pray for them and cry with them. We can only hope that, in some small way, we are a comfort to them.
    I treasured every second of those early mornings when I had Kira to myself. I held her closely and told her how much she is loved.
    We were all spoiled at the hospital and I also thank my fellow nurses/friends for that. They all acted like proud Aunties! They couldn't wait to tell me how well Kira had done during the night. I didn't worry about her while we were away because I know that Kira was getting LOTS of love from the staff.
    We ARE Blessed! Thank You God!

  5. Thanks for sharing this, what a sweet baby. Aah, the pumping. Boy does that bring back memories. I had a pg woman tell me she thought it would be easier to pump and bottlefeed after her baby was born than to bf. Ha!

  6. Brandie! Co-signing your ha! She'll learn.

    I absolutely adore the full family pic. Your making me want to pull out my first few days pics, W. I know it'll be hard, but, still, it's getting easier.