Thursday, October 15, 2009

would I change it - revisited

Get It Down; 31 for 21

I recently had a discussion with some close friends who also happen to parent children with funky chromosomes. During the discussion, the "would you change it" question came up in a roundabout way. This is a hypothetical question that can really divide our community, I think. And for the record, I don't think it matters where you fall, or if you even think about it. We're all families loving our kids, trying our best to do what we think is best.

So, back in March, shortly after I started blogging, here's where I stood and what I said: No, I wouldn't.

I was really glad for the chance to revisit my thoughts, and here's what I said to my friends:

For the record, I am "one of those moms". I wouldn't change it.

If we're playing the "if I could change it" game, then what I'd change is society. I'd change society to a version that accepts people as individuals, as having worth simply because they ARE, not because they meet some predetermined level of achievement that somehow equals value. I'd change society to a place where the person sacking the groceries is considered as worthy as the CEO of the grocery chain.

Ds is part of Kira's genetic make-up. In ways that I'm not even aware of, it has had a say in who she is. I think she rocks the universe.

I would take away her heart issues. I would take away upcoming struggles. I would take away prejudice. Taking away Ds wouldn't guarantee that she wouldn't face any of those things. It might, however, take away her gorgeous eyes, her amazing empathy for others, and who knows what else.

But here's the true heart of the matter: we can't change Ds. We CAN change society - one person at a time. I'm different, Derek is different, Jackson is a different person than he would have been without Kira as his sibling.

One at a time. We can change society. I'll keep my daughter just as she is.


  1. I was totally thinking of this the other day how DS can't be cured but society can! Only if it would! But like you said one person at a time, maybe some day! Great post!! I'm only 4 months in so this is a really hard one for me and before I thought the people that wouldn't change it were crazy (while I was still pregnant) but the older Bennett gets the more I see how you feel.

  2. Absolutely an awesome post! So true!

  3. Awesome! Take that to the president... it's a brilliant solution. I'm one of "those moms", too :-) Wouldn't change it. Yes, health issues are one thing, but the essence of our children has something to do with that extra chromosome and I love who my little guy is turning into.

  4. I definitely believe we can change society! Maybe not all of it, but one piece at a time...

  5. What an excellent perspective and point! You are absolutley right, Ds is going to continue to occur (as well as other 'dis'abilities) and the only thing we can do as a society is change how we view others.